Tuesday, February 05, 2008

Letting Go

My last grandparent is dying. My grandmother has been on hospice care for a couple of days now and is not expected to make it to the weekend. Her health has declined so much in the last week and every day she looks more and more different. I can't imagine what it is like to suddenly lose a family member. All of my family member's deaths have been expected. But there is also something horrible about watching a human body shut down and waste away. I know where my grandmother is going when she dies, she knows where she is going when she dies. So what is this? This painful, lingering, morphine-controlled day where she must suffer?

But when she goes, I will miss her. And it's a chapter of my life I never looked forward to. Not having any grandparents.

As I feel my baby kicking in my womb, how I wish that Grandma could have seen her. She was so excited about her. Her first great-grandchild. She put her hand on my tummy just two days ago. What a precious moment I pray that I will never forget. It was like passing the baton onto the next generation. My daughter will never know her great-grandma, but I will tell her about her. How even in her last days, she smiled when I told her that I loved her.

It's hard letting go. But she's ready. And now, so am I.

posted by Amstaff Mom | 7:23 PM


Blogger Lia said...

It's hard letting go, and I suppose it's good to prepare, but a part of me wants to say - it's not over till it's over. Doctors aren't always right. Enjoy your grandma as long as you can, and when the new baby comes, it really will be a comfort - the continuity of the next generation.
Your post brought a tear to my eye.

9:27 AM  
Blogger Deals On Wheels said...

Oh, AM. I'm so sorry. Here's a hug from me:


I'll keep your grandmother in my prayers.

9:35 AM  
Blogger RR said...

Oh, dear, dear, Amstaff. Even when death is expected, it's hard to say goodbye to someone so important to you. My prayers are with you and your family. I'm glad you can take comfort in knowing that your grandmother will be going to a better place. That's a cliché now, but it's still true, and it's something that comforts me about my grandmother who died a few years ago.

1:14 PM  
Anonymous cotton exports said...

Can I just say what a relief to find someone who actually knows what theyre talking about on the internet. You definitely know how to bring an issue to light and make it important. More people need to read this and understand this side of the story. I …

cattle exports | livestock exports | beef exports

4:27 AM  

Post a Comment

<< Home